Causations for #1

First I'd like to probe deeper into the causations.

1. -Not good at it.
-Weak Mind/Determination

2. -Lack of self-confidence
-Knowing from experience that I don't have the ability to establish a conversation with pretty girls.
-Afraid that the conversation touches the area where I have no knowledge of.
-I don't have any pretty female friends.

3. -Weak Mind/Determination
-Laziness

4. -Weak Mind/Determination
-Degrading ability to do the right things instead of easy things.
-Habit
-Values don't help anymore.

5*. -innate
-Habit

6. -Weak Mind/Determination => Laziness => Procrastination
-Voice #1 saying it's useless.
-I don't LISTEN

7. -Not being able to stand on one side
-

8. -Ignorant to the World
-Eye Contact
-I Don't LISTEN
-asking questions without meaning
-Can't say funny stuff

9. -UNKNOWN

11. -this is not urgent, though it sometimes does trouble me.

12. -This I really don't know the reason and can't help.

13. -Without communication
-Ignorant to the World
-starting to think I'm something special

14. -Deteriorating Brain?

15. -same as #2 I guess

16. -Concept not complete, only if it ever would be

17. -Ignorant to the World
-Shy
-Lack of self confidence
-disability in talking with people

18. -UNKNOWN.













I always have a feeling that I gotta think/create/invent/discover something, anything, before I start to become stupid, as I can feel it happening.

I lost the feeling of BELONGING for a long time and I wanna taste it, smell it once again in my life.

#1

To begin with, I'd like to list out all the problems I think I have. I have to be extremely honest to myself.

1. Lack of Sport
2. scared to death in front of pretty girls.
3. Procrastination
4. Laziness
5. Weak Mind/Determination
6. Ignorant to the outside world
7. Having two voices fighting against each other all the time => can't speak most of the time
8. Having problem talking to people, i.e. no topics, afraid of losing their attention.
9. Slow Thinking, and it's getting even slower.
10. awareness of the big loophole in my personality troubles me all the time, and I don't know yet how to tackle it.
11. I want to believe in God, but at the same time another voice urge me to insist on evidence.
12. Immature.
13. Self-centered.
14. Keep forgetting things.
15. Shy.
16. Philosophy troubles me.
17. feeling alone.
18. Not knowing my place/role in this world.